November 30, 2010
1:35 PM
Wife: I wouldn't hop down the stairs, if I were you.
LF: I would.
Wife: Strikes me, it's dangerous.
LF: Strikes me, it's fun.
Showing posts with label Wife. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wife. Show all posts
Monday, 6 December 2010
Thursday, 2 December 2010
WK on Scandinavian Crime Fiction
November 30, 2010
7:45 AM
WK: What's The Grill Who Played With Fire about?
Wife: The Girl ... I don't know, I haven't read it. Ask your Father.
WK: I don't need to. I already know what it's about.
Wife: Oh yeah?
WK: Yeah. A girl who grows up and does a terrible thing. She smokes stigarettes [sic].
Wife: Stigarettes? Really? How shocking! What happens to her?
WK: Oh, she dies, of course. That's what happens to you if you smoke stigarettes, Mummy.
7:45 AM
WK: What's The Grill Who Played With Fire about?
Wife: The Girl ... I don't know, I haven't read it. Ask your Father.
WK: I don't need to. I already know what it's about.
Wife: Oh yeah?
WK: Yeah. A girl who grows up and does a terrible thing. She smokes stigarettes [sic].
Wife: Stigarettes? Really? How shocking! What happens to her?
WK: Oh, she dies, of course. That's what happens to you if you smoke stigarettes, Mummy.
Wednesday, 1 December 2010
LF on Jokes
November 29, 2010
7:30 AM
LF: Mummy?
Wife: Yes, dear?
LF: I don't love you. Not one tiny bit.
Wife: Is that supposed to be a joke, LF?
LF: (Helpless with laughter) Yes!
Wife: It's not terribly funny.
7:30 AM
LF: Mummy?
Wife: Yes, dear?
LF: I don't love you. Not one tiny bit.
Wife: Is that supposed to be a joke, LF?
LF: (Helpless with laughter) Yes!
Wife: It's not terribly funny.
Tuesday, 30 November 2010
WK on Schizophrenia
November 28, 2010
5:15 PM
Wife: Both of you are tired, so no talking after bed tonight.
WK: Except in my head. I can talk to the voices in my head. That's why I have a head, so that I can talk to the voices inside.
5:15 PM
Wife: Both of you are tired, so no talking after bed tonight.
WK: Except in my head. I can talk to the voices in my head. That's why I have a head, so that I can talk to the voices inside.
Monday, 15 November 2010
WK on Domestic Service
November 11, 2010
7:16 AM
WK: Mummy, are you a servant or a member of the family?
Wife: What?
WK: I mean, I know you do everything for us, but are you actually a servant or part of the family?
Wife: I'm your Mother!
WK: But you never sit down with the family, you get up all the time. I think you are my servant.
Wife: I gave birth to you.
WK: Oh, I forgot about that.
7:16 AM
WK: Mummy, are you a servant or a member of the family?
Wife: What?
WK: I mean, I know you do everything for us, but are you actually a servant or part of the family?
Wife: I'm your Mother!
WK: But you never sit down with the family, you get up all the time. I think you are my servant.
Wife: I gave birth to you.
WK: Oh, I forgot about that.
Monday, 8 November 2010
LF on Sadism
October 28, 2010
8:50 AM
LF: Don't do your exercises, Mummy!
Wife: If I don't do them, then Mummy will get stiff. Do you want that?
LF: Yeah.
Wife: Do you know what 'stiff' means? It means I will be in a lot of pain.
LF: I want you to be in a lot of pain.
8:50 AM
LF: Don't do your exercises, Mummy!
Wife: If I don't do them, then Mummy will get stiff. Do you want that?
LF: Yeah.
Wife: Do you know what 'stiff' means? It means I will be in a lot of pain.
LF: I want you to be in a lot of pain.
Friday, 5 November 2010
WK on Bos Taurus
October 28, 2010
8:40 AM
Me: Don't worry. Even if you hit me hard by accident, you couldn't hurt me.
WK: A bull could hurt you.
Me: Sure, but a bull is a lot bigger than you.
Wife: And much, much fiercer.
WK: It's not as fierce as LF.
8:40 AM
Me: Don't worry. Even if you hit me hard by accident, you couldn't hurt me.
WK: A bull could hurt you.
Me: Sure, but a bull is a lot bigger than you.
Wife: And much, much fiercer.
WK: It's not as fierce as LF.
Friday, 8 October 2010
WK on Cosmetics
October 6, 2010
7:25 AM
WK: Can I have some face cream?
Wife: No, it's mine. I'm using it.
WK: What's it for?
Wife: It makes Mummy's skin look nice.
WK: Does it work?
7:25 AM
WK: Can I have some face cream?
Wife: No, it's mine. I'm using it.
WK: What's it for?
Wife: It makes Mummy's skin look nice.
WK: Does it work?
Thursday, 7 October 2010
WK on Selfishness
October 3, 2010
1:40 PM
WK: I'm not going to sit here and wait for you to finish. I'm going to play.
Me: Sit and wait for everyone to be done with their lunch.
WK: I don't want to.
Wife: I spent the morning baking you a cake, made you your favourite lunch, and then got up five times during lunch to fetch you and LF special treats. So who's being selfish now?
WK: You are.
1:40 PM
WK: I'm not going to sit here and wait for you to finish. I'm going to play.
Me: Sit and wait for everyone to be done with their lunch.
WK: I don't want to.
Wife: I spent the morning baking you a cake, made you your favourite lunch, and then got up five times during lunch to fetch you and LF special treats. So who's being selfish now?
WK: You are.
Friday, 1 October 2010
WK on Doctors
September 29, 2010
6:15 AM
Wife: WK told me he wants to be a doctor when he grows up.
Me: That's great! WK, that would be a good job.
WK: Yeah, I want to be a doctor. But not a normal doctor. I want to be the kind that actually helps people.
6:15 AM
Wife: WK told me he wants to be a doctor when he grows up.
Me: That's great! WK, that would be a good job.
WK: Yeah, I want to be a doctor. But not a normal doctor. I want to be the kind that actually helps people.
Thursday, 16 September 2010
WK on Fricatives
September 12, 2010
5:20 PM
Wife: What? What did you just say to your sister? Don't use language like that!
WK: I told her how to eat her ice cream. I said 'suck it'.
Wife: Oh.
WK: Did you think I'd said 'fuck it'?
5:20 PM
Wife: What? What did you just say to your sister? Don't use language like that!
WK: I told her how to eat her ice cream. I said 'suck it'.
Wife: Oh.
WK: Did you think I'd said 'fuck it'?
Tuesday, 14 September 2010
LF on Anthropomorphic Rodents
September 12, 2010
3:45 PM
Wife: Angelina Ballerina would never pinch her brother!
LF: Then why does she have claws?
3:45 PM
Wife: Angelina Ballerina would never pinch her brother!
LF: Then why does she have claws?
Monday, 13 September 2010
WK on Parental Age
September 11, 2010
11:15 AM
WK: Mummy, you lived in Roman times, right?
Wife: No.
WK: Tudor times?
Wife: No.
WK: The Great Fire?
Wife: No.
WK: But Daddy lived then.
11:15 AM
WK: Mummy, you lived in Roman times, right?
Wife: No.
WK: Tudor times?
Wife: No.
WK: The Great Fire?
Wife: No.
WK: But Daddy lived then.
Friday, 27 August 2010
Wednesday, 25 August 2010
LF on Showers
August 25, 2010
7:36 AM
LF: Mummy, we need a new shower. There is no hot water in the shower.
Wife: No, we don't. The shower is fine.
LF: Daddy says it's not. Daddy said the shower is a shit in the neck.
Wife: Daddy shouldn't have said that.
LF: Daddy is really naughty.
7:36 AM
LF: Mummy, we need a new shower. There is no hot water in the shower.
Wife: No, we don't. The shower is fine.
LF: Daddy says it's not. Daddy said the shower is a shit in the neck.
Wife: Daddy shouldn't have said that.
LF: Daddy is really naughty.
Friday, 20 August 2010
LF on Heartbreak and Pushchairs
August 20, 2010
1:55 PM
LF: I want to get in the pushchair.
Wife: Bad luck. Walk.
LF: Oh, Mummy, if you don't let me get in the pushchair, my heart will break.
Wife: OK, darling, fair enough. Hop in. Is there anything else you need?
LF: No.
1:55 PM
LF: I want to get in the pushchair.
Wife: Bad luck. Walk.
LF: Oh, Mummy, if you don't let me get in the pushchair, my heart will break.
Wife: OK, darling, fair enough. Hop in. Is there anything else you need?
LF: No.
Thursday, 19 August 2010
LF on Hair Colour and Caesarian Sections
August 16, 2010
3:41 PM
LF: Mummy, when the big doctor cut me out of your tummy with a sharp blade, why was my hair black?
Wife: Because it was, dear. Hair is often a different colour when you are born.
LF: No. That big doctor, when he was done cutting me out with a knife, you know what he did?
Wife: No.
LF: He painted my hair black while nobody was looking, then he handed me to you.
3:41 PM
LF: Mummy, when the big doctor cut me out of your tummy with a sharp blade, why was my hair black?
Wife: Because it was, dear. Hair is often a different colour when you are born.
LF: No. That big doctor, when he was done cutting me out with a knife, you know what he did?
Wife: No.
LF: He painted my hair black while nobody was looking, then he handed me to you.
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