WK on Obesity

December 6, 2010
6:48 AM

WK:  How fat will I be when I grow up?

Me:  Depends.

WK:  As fat as a pig?

Me:  No.

WK:  As fat as a house?

Me:  No.

WK:  As fat as you?

WK and LF on Noddy's Monkey Town

December 6, 2010
6:25 AM

WK:  Both my Monkeys ran away from Monkey Town when they were babies, went to John Lewis, and waited there for a little boy who really loved Monkeys to become their Daddy.

Me:  That's lovely.

WK:  That little boy is me.

LF:  This is a load of shit.

WK on Careers

December 4, 2010
9:05 AM

Me:  You can both be my nurses today, because I'm sick.

WK:  Well, ok, but I can't be a nurse because I'm a boy.  Boys are doctors, girls are nurses.

Me:  Boys can be nurses.  And girls can be doctors.  And you can be a doctor if you would rather.

WK:  No!  I will be a nurse!

WK on Scandinavian Crime Fiction

November 30, 2010
7:45 AM


WK:  What's The Grill Who Played With Fire about?

Wife:  The Girl ... I don't know, I haven't read it.  Ask your Father.

WK:  I don't need to.  I already know what it's about.

Wife:  Oh yeah?

WK:  Yeah.  A girl who grows up and does a terrible thing.  She smokes stigarettes [sic].

Wife:  Stigarettes?  Really?  How shocking!  What happens to her?

WK:  Oh, she dies, of course.  That's what happens to you if you smoke stigarettes, Mummy.

WK on Schizophrenia

November 28, 2010
5:15 PM

Wife:  Both of you are tired, so no talking after bed tonight.

WK:  Except in my head.  I can talk to the voices in my head.  That's why I have a head, so that I can talk to the voices inside.

WK on Rivalry with Renzo Piano

November 27, 2010
2:05 PM

Me:  You know the Shard in London?

WK:  Yeah.

Me:  It's now the tallest building in London.

WK:  Huh.  I built the tallest lego tower my school has ever seen.  And I have flown in an airplane into space.  Is the Shard as high as space?

Me:  No.

WK:  So, I look down on it.

WK on Veracity

November 24, 2010
6:40 AM

WK:  (Crying)  Listen to me!  Listen to me!  I want to tell you what happened!

Me:  Stop crying.  We don't need to know more.  Mummy and I saw what happened, so we know the truth.

WK:  But I will tell you the better truth!

WK on Trans-Species Affection (II)

November 20, 2010
11:35 AM

WK:  Daddy, how big is a Bunkey?

Me:  I don't know what a Bunkey is.

WK:  It's a baby that is half a bunny, half a monkey.

Me:  There's no such thing.

WK:  Ah, but there is such a thing as a Munny.  That's why you have a job.

WK on Marine Engineering

November 19, 2010
6:15 AM

WK:  When I'm big, I will build a bridge that goes all around England, then over to Japan, then finally to Ireland.

Me:  Japan is far away, with oceans in between.

WK:  So?  I will drain the ocean and lay down my road.  I will put all the fish in a big tank until the road is done.

Me:  You sure you can do that?

WK:  Stop worrying.  I won't drain ponds or lakes where rabbits and baby deer drink.  I will only drain the ocean.  Animals can't drink salt water, because if they do, a big white shark will eat them.

WK on Domestic Service

November 11, 2010
7:16 AM

WK:  Mummy, are you a servant or a member of the family?

Wife:  What?

WK:  I mean, I know you do everything for us, but are you actually a servant or part of the family?

Wife:  I'm your Mother!

WK:  But you never sit down with the family, you get up all the time.  I think you are my servant.

Wife:  I gave birth to you.

WK:  Oh, I forgot about that.

WK on Courage

November 8, 2010
3:15 PM

Me:  How'd your flu shot go, WK?  Hope it didn't hurt too much.

WK:  I laughed as the needle went in.

WK on My Younger Sister

November 6, 2010
3:48 PM

Me:  Your Aunt is visiting Africa.

WK:  Hope she's not in a lion's belly.

Me:  She's not.

WK:  I'm going to write and warn her of the lions.  If we don't hear back by tomorrow, then sorry Daddy, she's in a lion's belly.

WK on World War III

November 6, 2010
3:25 PM

WK:  If the next World War happens when I am older, then right away, right away I'm in my bomber plane, swooping over the bad countries.  Anyone bombs us, then boom!  Count to one, Daddy.

Me:  One.

WK:  Boom!  I just dropped ten bombs and knocked down one thousand buildings in Germany.

WK on Charles, Prince of Wales

November 6, 2010
3:15 PM

WK:  Those French.  They're like super-nice.

Me:  Why?

WK:  They let anyone named Charles come live there, and wait to be King, even if their Daddy got their head chopped off and thrown out a window.

Me:  True.

WK:  Could the Charles we have now move to France if the Queen gets her head chopped off?

WK on Bos Taurus

October 28, 2010
8:40 AM

Me:  Don't worry.  Even if you hit me hard by accident, you couldn't hurt me.

WK:  A bull could hurt you.

Me:  Sure, but a bull is a lot bigger than you.

Wife:  And much, much fiercer.

WK:  It's not as fierce as LF.

WK on the Comprehensive Spending Review

October 26, 2010
8:01 AM

Me:  This news means that the country isn't making as much money as before.

WK:  Yeah, because the government is cutting all the jobs in the country.

WK on Astronomy

October 25, 2010
7:10 PM

WK:  Can you see another planet in detail from here?

Me:  To see details, you would need a telescope.

WK:  Through the clouds, with magic?

Me:  Usually you would go in the desert or mountains where there are fewer clouds.

WK:  But I'm scared of the desert.  Bad animals might eat me while I'm looking at planets with my magic telescope.

WK on World War

October 22, 2010
6:10 AM

WK: (Reading to LF) This is a page about World War I.  It's called World War I because we had one bomber plane, one ship and one gun.  On the next page is World War II.  It's called World War II because it's on the page after World War I. 

WK and LF on Pre-Meditated Violence

October 16, 2010
5:38 PM

WK:  If you hit me, I will take your eyes out.

LF:  You can't really take eyes out.

WK:  Yes, you can, with a carving knife.

WK on Mount St. Helens

October 16, 2010
6:20 PM

WK:  When I'm older, let's find a vulcanologist and go climb Mount St. Helens together.

Me:  Sounds great.  We'll do that when you're older.

WK: When I'm 30, if my teacher says I can miss a day of school, will you take me climbing that volcano?