WK on Obesity

December 6, 2010
6:48 AM

WK:  How fat will I be when I grow up?

Me:  Depends.

WK:  As fat as a pig?

Me:  No.

WK:  As fat as a house?

Me:  No.

WK:  As fat as you?

WK and LF on Noddy's Monkey Town

December 6, 2010
6:25 AM

WK:  Both my Monkeys ran away from Monkey Town when they were babies, went to John Lewis, and waited there for a little boy who really loved Monkeys to become their Daddy.

Me:  That's lovely.

WK:  That little boy is me.

LF:  This is a load of shit.

WK on Careers

December 4, 2010
9:05 AM

Me:  You can both be my nurses today, because I'm sick.

WK:  Well, ok, but I can't be a nurse because I'm a boy.  Boys are doctors, girls are nurses.

Me:  Boys can be nurses.  And girls can be doctors.  And you can be a doctor if you would rather.

WK:  No!  I will be a nurse!

LF on Fun

November 30, 2010
1:35 PM

Wife:  I wouldn't hop down the stairs, if I were you.

LF:  I would.

Wife:  Strikes me, it's dangerous.

LF:  Strikes me, it's fun.

WK on Scandinavian Crime Fiction

November 30, 2010
7:45 AM


WK:  What's The Grill Who Played With Fire about?

Wife:  The Girl ... I don't know, I haven't read it.  Ask your Father.

WK:  I don't need to.  I already know what it's about.

Wife:  Oh yeah?

WK:  Yeah.  A girl who grows up and does a terrible thing.  She smokes stigarettes [sic].

Wife:  Stigarettes?  Really?  How shocking!  What happens to her?

WK:  Oh, she dies, of course.  That's what happens to you if you smoke stigarettes, Mummy.

LF on Jokes

November 29, 2010
7:30 AM

LF:  Mummy?

Wife:  Yes, dear?

LF:  I don't love you.  Not one tiny bit.

Wife:  Is that supposed to be a joke, LF?

LF: (Helpless with laughter)  Yes!

Wife:  It's not terribly funny.

WK on Schizophrenia

November 28, 2010
5:15 PM

Wife:  Both of you are tired, so no talking after bed tonight.

WK:  Except in my head.  I can talk to the voices in my head.  That's why I have a head, so that I can talk to the voices inside.