WK on Schizophrenia

November 28, 2010
5:15 PM

Wife:  Both of you are tired, so no talking after bed tonight.

WK:  Except in my head.  I can talk to the voices in my head.  That's why I have a head, so that I can talk to the voices inside.

WK on Rivalry with Renzo Piano

November 27, 2010
2:05 PM

Me:  You know the Shard in London?

WK:  Yeah.

Me:  It's now the tallest building in London.

WK:  Huh.  I built the tallest lego tower my school has ever seen.  And I have flown in an airplane into space.  Is the Shard as high as space?

Me:  No.

WK:  So, I look down on it.

WK on Veracity

November 24, 2010
6:40 AM

WK:  (Crying)  Listen to me!  Listen to me!  I want to tell you what happened!

Me:  Stop crying.  We don't need to know more.  Mummy and I saw what happened, so we know the truth.

WK:  But I will tell you the better truth!

LF on Possessive Love

November 24, 2010
6:35 AM

Me:  What are you doing, honey?

LF:  Looking at your face.

Me:  Why?

LF:  Because it is sweet and beautiful.  Do me a favour?

Me:  Sure.

LF:  Never leave the house again.

WK on Trans-Species Affection (II)

November 20, 2010
11:35 AM

WK:  Daddy, how big is a Bunkey?

Me:  I don't know what a Bunkey is.

WK:  It's a baby that is half a bunny, half a monkey.

Me:  There's no such thing.

WK:  Ah, but there is such a thing as a Munny.  That's why you have a job.

WK on Marine Engineering

November 19, 2010
6:15 AM

WK:  When I'm big, I will build a bridge that goes all around England, then over to Japan, then finally to Ireland.

Me:  Japan is far away, with oceans in between.

WK:  So?  I will drain the ocean and lay down my road.  I will put all the fish in a big tank until the road is done.

Me:  You sure you can do that?

WK:  Stop worrying.  I won't drain ponds or lakes where rabbits and baby deer drink.  I will only drain the ocean.  Animals can't drink salt water, because if they do, a big white shark will eat them.

WK on Domestic Service

November 11, 2010
7:16 AM

WK:  Mummy, are you a servant or a member of the family?

Wife:  What?

WK:  I mean, I know you do everything for us, but are you actually a servant or part of the family?

Wife:  I'm your Mother!

WK:  But you never sit down with the family, you get up all the time.  I think you are my servant.

Wife:  I gave birth to you.

WK:  Oh, I forgot about that.

WK on Courage

November 8, 2010
3:15 PM

Me:  How'd your flu shot go, WK?  Hope it didn't hurt too much.

WK:  I laughed as the needle went in.

WK on My Younger Sister

November 6, 2010
3:48 PM

Me:  Your Aunt is visiting Africa.

WK:  Hope she's not in a lion's belly.

Me:  She's not.

WK:  I'm going to write and warn her of the lions.  If we don't hear back by tomorrow, then sorry Daddy, she's in a lion's belly.

WK on World War III

November 6, 2010
3:25 PM

WK:  If the next World War happens when I am older, then right away, right away I'm in my bomber plane, swooping over the bad countries.  Anyone bombs us, then boom!  Count to one, Daddy.

Me:  One.

WK:  Boom!  I just dropped ten bombs and knocked down one thousand buildings in Germany.

WK on Charles, Prince of Wales

November 6, 2010
3:15 PM

WK:  Those French.  They're like super-nice.

Me:  Why?

WK:  They let anyone named Charles come live there, and wait to be King, even if their Daddy got their head chopped off and thrown out a window.

Me:  True.

WK:  Could the Charles we have now move to France if the Queen gets her head chopped off?

LF on Sadism

October 28, 2010
8:50 AM

LF:  Don't do your exercises, Mummy!

Wife:  If I don't do them, then Mummy will get stiff.  Do you want that?

LF:  Yeah.

Wife:  Do you know what 'stiff' means?  It means I will be in a lot of pain.

LF:  I want you to be in a lot of pain.

WK on Bos Taurus

October 28, 2010
8:40 AM

Me:  Don't worry.  Even if you hit me hard by accident, you couldn't hurt me.

WK:  A bull could hurt you.

Me:  Sure, but a bull is a lot bigger than you.

Wife:  And much, much fiercer.

WK:  It's not as fierce as LF.

WK on the Comprehensive Spending Review

October 26, 2010
8:01 AM

Me:  This news means that the country isn't making as much money as before.

WK:  Yeah, because the government is cutting all the jobs in the country.

WK on Astronomy

October 25, 2010
7:10 PM

WK:  Can you see another planet in detail from here?

Me:  To see details, you would need a telescope.

WK:  Through the clouds, with magic?

Me:  Usually you would go in the desert or mountains where there are fewer clouds.

WK:  But I'm scared of the desert.  Bad animals might eat me while I'm looking at planets with my magic telescope.

LF on Lunar Observation

October 25, 2010
6:45 PM

Me:  It might not have been the moon you saw, WK, it's pretty cloudy.

LF:  It's also night and really dark to be able to see the moon.

Special Announcement

November 2

My beautiful daughter LF is four years old today.  Happy Birthday, LF!

LF on Shoplifting

October 24, 2010
11:20 AM

Me:  You can't just take candy and eat it without paying.

LF:  I'm really just little and don't know things.