Friday 22 October 2010

Special Announcement

The Huge Spider for Daddy crew is on vacation for one week.  Updates will resume on November 1st. 

WK on World War

October 22, 2010
6:10 AM

WK: (Reading to LF) This is a page about World War I.  It's called World War I because we had one bomber plane, one ship and one gun.  On the next page is World War II.  It's called World War II because it's on the page after World War I. 

Thursday 21 October 2010

WK and LF on Pre-Meditated Violence

October 16, 2010
5:38 PM

WK:  If you hit me, I will take your eyes out.

LF:  You can't really take eyes out.

WK:  Yes, you can, with a carving knife.

Tuesday 19 October 2010

WK on Mount St. Helens

October 16, 2010
6:20 PM

WK:  When I'm older, let's find a vulcanologist and go climb Mount St. Helens together.

Me:  Sounds great.  We'll do that when you're older.

WK: When I'm 30, if my teacher says I can miss a day of school, will you take me climbing that volcano?

Monday 18 October 2010

LF on Paternity

October 16, 2010
3:30 PM

LF:  I'm a baby piglet, and you're my Daddy Pig.

Me:  Sure.

LF:  I'm a real baby piglet, I just came out of your tummy.

Me:  I'm the Daddy Pig.  You can't have come out of my tummy.

LF:  (Crying) But then I'm not really your own baby!

Friday 15 October 2010

WK and LF on Exaggeration

October 15, 2010
6:25 AM

WK:  My chest still hurts because of what LF did yesterday.  It was like a cheetah pouncing on me, it was that hard.  No, it was like if your shoes climbed a skyscraper, jumped off, and landed on my chest.  That's what it felt like.

Me:  LF, what did you do to your brother?

LF:  I gave him a hug.

Thursday 14 October 2010

WK and LF on Sympathetic Pain

October 14, 2010
6:15 AM

LF:  My eye hurts.  Don't make me wake up.

WK:  My eye hurts too.  My foot hurts.

LF:  My foot hurts.

Me:  Why does your foot hurt, LF?

LF:  Because WK's foot hurts.

Wednesday 13 October 2010

WK on La Recherche du Temps Perdu

October 10, 2010
12:46 PM

Me:  So, that's my earliest memory.  What's yours?

WK:  I can remember being created.

Me:  What?  I don't think so.

WK:  No, I do.  I remember the special cuddle you gave Mummy to make me.

Me:  That's impossible.

WK:  Then how do I remember arriving inside Mummy's tummy?

Me:  Never mind.  What's your next-earliest memory?

WK:  Flying on an airplane to America last year.

Tuesday 12 October 2010

LF and WK on Witchcraft

October 7, 2010
6:35 AM

LF:  Have you ever seen a witch, Daddy?

Me:  Witches aren't real.

WK:  Witches were real, but they lived 19,762,010 years ago.

LF:  What about the witches who live in caves, hunt little kids at night, and eat children?

WK:  Oh, those witches.  Oh yeah.

Monday 11 October 2010

LF on Guilt Trips

October 7, 2010
6:25 AM

Me:  Pink shirt for me today.

LF:  Good.  When you don't wear a pink shirt, I spend all day at school sobbing and crying.

Friday 8 October 2010

WK on Cosmetics

October 6, 2010
7:25 AM

WK:  Can I have some face cream?

Wife:  No, it's mine.  I'm using it.

WK:  What's it for?

Wife:  It makes Mummy's skin look nice.

WK:  Does it work?

Thursday 7 October 2010

WK on Selfishness

October 3, 2010
1:40 PM

WK:  I'm not going to sit here and wait for you to finish.  I'm going to play.

Me:  Sit and wait for everyone to be done with their lunch.

WK:  I don't want to.

Wife:  I spent the morning baking you a cake, made you your favourite lunch, and then got up five times during lunch to fetch you and LF special treats.  So who's being selfish now?

WK:  You are.

Wednesday 6 October 2010

LF and WK on Prejudice and the Brothers Grimm

October 3, 2010
8:20 AM

Me:  Snow White is tougher than Cinderella.  She doesn't always need a prince to fix things.

LF:  Yeah, but her hair.

Me:  True, she doesn't have blonde hair like you.

WK:  LF can dye her hair!

Tuesday 5 October 2010

LF and WK on Shakespeare

October 2, 2010
8:55 AM

Me:  The next time you get asked a question, just say 'To be or not to be/That is the question.'

LF:  Don't say that, WK!  That's rude!

WK:  It's not rude, LF.  It's French.

Monday 4 October 2010

WK on Wild Animals

September 30, 2010
6:40 AM

WK:  If I were a cheetah, I could kill a great white shark.

Me:  I don't think so, sweetie.

WK:  Why not?  I would use my stinger, and poison the shark when it swam by.

Me:  Cheetahs live on land, and can run fast.

WK:  Oh.  When I said 'cheetah' I meant 'octopus'.

Friday 1 October 2010

WK on Doctors

September 29, 2010
6:15 AM

Wife:  WK told me he wants to be a doctor when he grows up.

Me:  That's great!  WK, that would be a good job.

WK:  Yeah, I want to be a doctor.  But not a normal doctor.  I want to be the kind that actually helps people.